I’ve always believed in God, in Jesus, but, as I kid, I felt that going to church was just something you had to do. I guess you could say that I believed by it was in my mind, not in my heart. I was married but I messed that up, I went outside of the relationship, which I regret and am not proud of. My wife stayed with me but welded the affair as punishment and I felt that I deserved it. I lived like that for nine years. Then, I started to listen to small doses of Christian radio as some attempt to save my soul, to find peace, to find God. Gradually, I dropped all other stations but my talk radio and Christian music. As I was driving to a job-site, I heard Plumb (Lord I Need You Now) and United (Touch the Sky). At the job-site, my technicians were constantly calling me for help troubleshooting as I was trying to do my own work, overwhelming me. At one point, I bang my head against a door and say “God, I can’t do this.” In that moment, not even half a second, I felt the darkness leave me, I was flooded with light, and I felt like God was telling me that I was forgiven, to stop punishing myself, to live my life. Living moved me to Sioux Falls. My ex didn’t want to move, opting to go separate ways. I’m new, I have my two dogs with me, I haven’t met many people, but I have found a church and gotten to know many people there. I’ve even volunteered to help with various projects, not for glory or recognition, but to help; if I help, in turn, they’ll help me but having me interact with those around me, making this move feel less lonely. I feel like a different person; I still have my problems and struggles, but nothing is impossible and hope is not lost.
Does activity for God always equal intimacy with Him?