This morning I talked about how a friend of mine on the east coast is torn whether or not to add someone on facebook that’s requested to be her friend online. My friend is a believer who wears her heart on her sleeve much like I do, so I understand the problem.

The person who’s requesting the friendship has been mean and nasty to her in the past. My friend feels very vulnerable and likes to post scripture and very personal things as her status. But she fears she will be mocked and laughed at by this person. Yet, she knows it could also be an opportunity for this person to hear The Word too.

I took lots of calls this morning, but I couldn’t get to all of them. I really want to know your opinion on this.

7 Responses to "To add a FB friend or not!?!"

  • Tiffany says:

    I heard several calls that said your friend must absolutely accept this person on facebook because Christ calls us to pain. I don’t think Christ calls us to pain. He calls us to love Him and our neighbors as ourselves. This brings pain, but I don’t believe Christ would ever want us to say “Hey, I know you’re going to hurt me, so here’s my heart, stomp on it, cut it up and I’ll take it back with a smile.” It is ok not to “friend” everyone on FB. I personally have friended people in order to be a witness, but their attitudes, comments, pictures, etc, always put in such a negative, bad place, that eventually I realized that instead of having a positive effect on them, I was allowing these people to have a negative effect on me and my walk with Christ.
    You can’t always avoid people in real face-to-face life, and we need to show love to the world, but that doesn’t mean every person in the world needs to be on our FB list.

  • Kathy O says:

    I had a somewhat similar situation, a friend would not stop gossiping about others, sometimes vicious hurtful comments. I took her to church with me, witnessed to her about our ‘words’, etc., gently stopped her when she started the comments, but she would not quit. After one bout, the Lord laid it upon my heart that ‘enough is enough’ and He gave me the courage to tell her I could not be friends with someone who lied about others and said such hurtful things. That I would still be praying for her, but I could not be her friend any more. I have NEVER been a confident person, I am one who, also, wears their heart on their sleeve and would let my feelings get easily hurt.
    The Lord want us to speak the truth in love and maybe this is more for a learning experience for your friend, the Lord stretching her and growing her in areas. Maybe she is being called to accept this person as a friend, and then if the hateful comments start, and continue, she is to lovingly confront the other lady about what she is saying (using scripture for ‘correction’ never fails!).

    We are called to witness, yes, but Jesus never kept beating his head against a rock either “Whoever does not receive you, nor heed your words, as you go out of that house or that city, (D)shake the dust off your feet. ” Let her know you will pray for her but there is a ‘delete’ button for facebook friends. One of the very hardest things we are called to do, for those of us whose hearts need a little ‘strengthening’ for the harder days ahead.
    I pray you both have a very BLESSED day in the Lord!
    Thank you.

  • Richelle says:

    I guess I have a pretty strong opinion that there is not a universally right answer for this question. I think she needs to pray and ask for wisdom. Proverbs 4:23 says that above all we’re supposed to guard our hearts. I think that a lot of times the Devil uses guilt to sort of sabotages us. We feel guilty as Christians because we think that we should do something because it’s what Jesus would do, when in fact, maybe it isn’t wise? While no one can dispute that we are supposed to take the light of God to the world, we have to be wise in the way that we do it. If a person that had a problem with alcohol was asked to become part of a ministry that witnessed in bars, that might not be the right decision for that individual. If there is a good chance that this person will bring your girlfriend down and make her less likely to put her heart out there to her other friends on facebook then who is really winning? I know that scripture talks about Jesus leaving the 99 to find the one, but the point of that story was that we are all individually important to Christ and that we don’t just “get lost in the herd” so to speak. It doesn’t make sense to make a decision that could put your girlfriend in the position of potentially being hurt and becoming a less effective witness to others in her facebook circle. I think your girlfriend should just pray about it and see what she feels God leading her to do.

  • Gina says:

    Hey Susan, I only heard a couple of the calls, and so I haven’t heard the whole discussion, but of what I did hear, I strongly disagree with. I DO NOT think that she should “Accept”. Jesus did tell us to love the sinners and to turn the other cheek, but he also told the apostles to “shake the dust off their feet” after they were rejected and he said not to toss “pearls to the swine”. We are not instructed to be “fools” to the world, but to use wisdom. I believe that she should “love” this gal and do all that she can to share the love of Christ with her inspite of the pain, but I think it is unwise to become totally vulnerable to someone who is mean spirited. Facebook is a public venue, and you can not control everything that is posted by others, but you do control who you allow to post on your page by “weeding” out the ones that may say (or have said) inappropriate things. (Even secular blogs have the ability to edit those who are in-appropriate, so why wouldn’t we. We are to love, but not to be “door mats”! Besides that, if she feels uncomfortable about accepting, that may be the Holy Spirit giving her warning! Unless He tells her to do it, I think I would go with the warning because it is just plain wise.

  • Chris says:

    The great thing is that God made us with the ability to discern. The step of faith would be to go ahead and add this person as a “friend” and give God the opportunity to do His work. In the likely event the insults and ridicule begin to be hurled, that too can be used as a catalist for something greater. At that point your friend should “unfriend” the person on FB and if the “unfriended” inquires why… well, that can be another open-door opportunity.

    Your friend has a soft heart and may she be blessed all the more for it. The Creator made us all different. I don’t believe He created us to be deliberate masochists and to search out ways to be abused – verbally, mentally, or physically. He tells us to be on guard and to protect our heart and mind from the devils darts. Just as a reminder, ridicule and verbal abuse aren’t tools of our Father. Strength and peace is ours through Him.

  • Another Cris says:

    Looking beyond the obvious comments, what about the fact that others will relate you to this person once you accept? What if they post something on your site that is not of good taste and others can view it before you get to it. I agree, don’t accept, at least not without researching the person a little more to their current attitudes.

  • Correna says:

    Walk by faith not by sight. God likes to take us out of our “comfort zones”. Comfort zones are too much like shells around us that keep us from growing. I know that it’s possible to be hurt again, but is that an excuse not to try? I would feel awful if I found out I was the only chance for the person to see Jesus before something happened…you don’t know the future. Perhaps their life may be taken the next day and you were put there just so they would have one more chance to hear the truth and accept Christ? On the other hand, if – through fervent prayer – God truly lays it on your friend’s heart to not accept the friend request, perhaps use the send a message function and let that person know why – therein also opening a door for the Spirit to reach that person. I don’t know, but those are my thoughts…

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